Best of Barney Stinson Quotes

Money, Suits, Sex.. My Life Rocks !!!

"Tell people what ? "
"Tell people what ? "
"Tell people what ? "
"Tell people what ? "
"Tell people what ? "
"Tell people what ? "


think me as a yoda, instead of being liitle and green, i wear suits and i m awsome. i am broda

You see, whenever I start feeling sick, I just stop being sick and be awesome instead.

You have no reason to wait one month to have sex with a girl unless she's 17 and 11 months.

"Haaaaaaaaave you met Ted?"

True Story!!

go whore or go home! now ladies slut up

It's gonna be legendary!

Are you nuts? That would involve me speaking to a woman I've already had sex with… which frankly is a little bit like changing the oil in a rental car!

Are you nuts? That would involve me speaking to a woman I've already had sex with… which frankly is a little bit like changing the oil in a rental car!

Barney : I can't go I've got this thing.
Lily: What thing ?
Barney: A penis

Legenn.. wait for it!.. daryyyy.. yeahh

this is tottaly going on my blog!!!!!

what...up!

Legen wait for it and if your lactose intolerant then this is a shocker DARY

Freezed frame high five !

Tell me ! You didn't ? Oh you did ! No you didn't, you didn't. You did ? You did , didn't you ? Oh you did not ? Tell me !

Something like that...

SUIT UP !

Barney: The stripper at Stuart's bachelor party was a 15.
Ted: She was 15?
Barney: No a 15. Like in blackjack.
Ted: ... As in not sure whether you'd hit it?
Barney: Exactly!
Ted: Nice!

"I'm going out of this world the same way I came in. Buck Naked. Open bar for the men, open casket for the ladies. What up?!" *hand up for high-five*

You broke up with a pornstar?! Friendship over. FRIENDSHIP OVER!!!

"i learnt something very important about myself...i'm awesome"

Dad is home!!!

"Number 6: PURG...wait for it...keep waiting...wait for all of eternity cause all you'll find out is ATORY!(with scaring voice)"

Deeee... wait for it... nied!

Barney : hello I'm Ted Mosby, Architect ;-) !!

X Rays thats the ultimate strip show, more like triple x rays. What up

''One of the twenty-four similarities between girls and fish is that they're both attracted to shiny objects. You really never read my blog, do you?''

Bro Code Article 1 : Bro's before hoes.

Bro Code Article 29: A bro will, in a timely manner, alert his bro to the existence of a girl fight.

Bro Code Article 34: Bro's cannot make eye contact during a devils-three-way.

Bro Code Article 53: A bro will, whenever possible, provide his bro with protection.

Bro Code Article 87 : A bro shall at all times say "yes"

Bro Code Article 89: The mom of a bro is always off limits. But the step mom of a bro is a fair game, if she initiates it and / or is wearing at least 1 article of leopard print clothing.

Bro Code Article XX : No sex with your bro's ex.

cum on Ted lets get u a hooker..... it would be fun

Hypotyhetical high five....... Nice!

slapsgiving:
You are allowed to slap my face, but you are not allowed to slap my mind. Good day!

Ted, say I'm your best friend

''Meet me at the bar in fifteen minutes -— and suit up!''

"Do you like magic?"

"Yeah. Hey, Ted, if you kiss her, can I watch? I love it when chicks make out."

"That's why I make it crystal clear to every girl that walks through that door that this is not a place to leave a toothbrush, this is not a place to leave a contact lens case..this is a place to LEAVE! Come on, I'll give you a tour..and no flash photography please. The bedroom, king-size bed, full-size blanket, one pillow, everything about this bed says: Our work here is done! The bathroom, only one towel. What? No hairdryer? You know where I keep that stuff? Your place, BEAT IT!"

Barney: I've done some bad things, I mean REALLY bad things. I once sold a girl. Didn't even know the language, just exchanged her for a pair of car keys. So whatever I did to you, I'm truly sorry.

Random Girl: Sorry, I don't know you

Dear Resident,

The time we spent together, however long it was, meant the world to me. I would love to see you again, but unfortunately I cannot. You see, I... am a ghost. I can only materialize once every decade, on the anniversary of my death. I chose to spend my one day among the living with you, sweet Resident. Perhaps we will meet again in another decade, provided you keep your figure.

Until then, all my love from the beyond.

Barney

"I've dreamed about this day boys and it's going to be legen-DARY! Together, we will own this city. Anytime a girl wants to get back at her ex-boyfriends, we'll be there. Anytime a girl wants to solve her father issues, through promiscuity and binge-drinking, we will be there. Anytime a bachelorette party drives through the city in a limo, sticking their heads up through the sunroof shouting, "What's up New York?" we will BE what is UP NEW YORK!"

"Every Halloween, I bring a spare costume, in case I strike out with the hottest girl at the party. That way, I have a second chance to make a first impression."

"You can try to apply for a sex visa, but that only lasts for12 hours. 14 if you qualify for multiple entry."

Moist, moist, moist, moist...... !

Ted: There was this girl Penelope..She knows how to make it rain..Are you still in touch with her?
Barney:Oh yes..Although we stopped having sex;we see eachother once in a month,hang out and OF COURSE I'M NOT IN TOUCH WİTH HER!!!

heeey! this is my friend Ted.. he is an architect.. haaave you met him? :P

i like the way you think sherbatsky!!!

"This isn't Barney! But I've heard that guy's AWESOME!"

[Barney speakin to ted on the phone, using a deep voice]

Ted: Barney...
Barney: This isn't Barney. ...but I hear that guy's awesome. All right. Listen very carefully. You will get your stuff back if you are able to complete a series of challenges. Number one, put on the suit. Number two, meet me at McClaren's in an hour.
Ted: How will I know who to look for since we've never met?
Barney: ...I look like Barney.

Barney: In my body, where the shame gland should be, there is a second awesome gland. True story

Barney: You! u spooned me against my will!
Lilly: hey!! it takes 2 to cuddle...

"Only 2 reasos to date an ex-girlfriend - Breast, Implants!"

Don't hate the player, Hate the game!

No, thanks. I don't mess with fish bowls unless they have my two favorite fish: the sucker fish and the blow fish! What up?

That one's going to reward shareholders soon... I forsee aggressive growth in my future! What up?

"I love this burger so much, I want to sew my ass shut"

Dear Female, thank you for your interest in Barney Stinson. I regret to inform you that at this time, there are currently no positions available.