“Twist in the Tale”

Sack the CEO
Author: Jeetendra Jain
Vikas Publishing House Pvt Ltd: New Delhi. 2003. 250pp
Paper: Rs. 245

When was the last time you heard a cartoonist turn into a writer? An erstwhile Indian Express Cartoonist has written a book on a plague called the “CEO” in the Corporate World. In 2003, his wife Shilpa, an artist by profession, would have not even imagined that her husband with a 13-year long experience in Advertising, Financial Services, Credit Cards & Technology, would go onto write a book that addresses all the corrupt managers he has worked with!
What would those managers think of him now? Well, we don’t know that but we surely know that the book has received accolades from every quarter of the corporate industry. With work experience in organizations like O&M, GE Capital & Thomas Cook & an MBA degree from IIM Bangalore, one can imagine the insight Jeetandra Jain has into the various functions that interact with the Chief Executive in any organisation. Ironically, a CEO himself writes, “Jeetendra has brilliantly unveiled ‘corporate corruption’ with his characteristic 70 mm style.” I believe the best way to enjoy this book is by visualizing it as a 70 mm movie. A rather expensive movie though for Rs. 245!

“Truth is often disguised as jest” – A Chinese Proverb

“Corporate Corruption” does not reveal itself too often. It leads to the fall of organisations as big as ENRON in the United States and as small as Global Trust Bank in India. The common factor everywhere is that subtle acts of corruption never surface so that one gets to know what’s going on. If one is working in the corporate world and earning a living through the industry, it is practically impossible to be the whistle-blower these days. An act of publishing an entire 250 pages book on the prevalent mal-practices takes a brave heart. I believe it is a bigger challenge to present the same subject with humour!
The author has chosen characters for his ‘movie’ very carefully. Every business function has been given a representation – every employee has been carefully categorized – every trait of a CEO has been dealt with – even the analogies used for assassinations have been carefully compared with, to remove any ambiguity.
The ‘Corrupt Contents’ of the book tells one about the three parts that the book is divided into – “The Characters”, “The Character Assassinations” & “The Assassinations”. The first part describes the characteristics of the individual employees and some other important people in the organisation. The second assassinates the various shades of a CEO very critically and sets the stage for action. The final part formulates strategies for the assassination of the CEO and successfully gives alternatives in case of failure. Notwithstanding the fact that one is tempted to jump to the end of the book to know the finale, the book binds the reader to explore different characteristics of the CEO and then, move on.

TWIST IN THE TALE LTD

TITL is a mid-sized multi-national company, with head-quarters in Connecticut, USA, and engaged in manufacturing various types of mouses for computers. Ironically, Jeetendra doesn’t forget to mention that it has offices in India as well, owing to his Indian origin. In fact, he sets the story in the Mumbai office of ‘Teettel’ (TITL) with characters owing their background to Indian education and experience.
A very interesting way of narration enters the book at this stage. Every person in ‘Teettel’ is given a name, analogous to one’s character. Just by listening to a character’s name, one can figure out or relate to his background and department. One can either guess what has happened to him in the organisation in the past or what is going to happen to him in the future. For example, even a casual reader can figure out what is going to happen to the person named ‘Onewayticket’ in the book – he will get transferred!

THE CHARACTERS

The movie is narrated through three main employees of ‘Teettel’ – Smallfry, Fasttrack & Takeiteasy. As the name suggests, Smallfry, a Commerce Graduate with Diploma in Management, comes from a small town in South India, and aims at climbing the Corporate ladder through his hardwork and dedication. Jeetendra calls him a ‘plodder’ in real sense! Fasttrack, on the other hand, is an MBA in the true sense – hired for an accelerated leadership program, focused on strategy – and a ‘Potential Leader’ in true sense. The third and everyone’s favourite in the organisation is Takeiteasy - benign, honest, god-fearing and no ambitions – surprisingly, Jeetendra has put him in the Finance Department!

Part One introduces a lot of other characters to the story. This brings variety and humour and adds another dimension of self-analysis by the reader. One is forced to classify oneself into one of the 10 employees of ‘Teettel’ and analyse what the author or everyone else thinks of one as a person. What follows is a description of the characters introduced in this part and their interactions with Topgun, the CEO…

Short-circuit or ‘Short-C’ works in the Purchase department, and is always amidst negotiations between the vendor and his colleagues. On one such meeting regarding an important project, his preferred vendor looses the deal to a competing vendor, Freetrips. This meeting was called by the CEO & the outcome was followed by an all expenses paid trip for Topgun and four other senior managers of the Manufacturing Department, to France.
Softcorner heads the Human Resources Department. The author brings out the futility of this function by portraying it as a tool used by Topgun to get his favourite men into the company. Hi-Hello gets an entry into ‘Teettel’ using the CEO’s recommendation and surpassing Smallfry’s interview.
Promo-shun was about to win his way to the Regional Manager’s cabin when Topgun’s relative, Nefew gets the promotion. This reveals another trait of organisations like ‘Teettel’ where favouritism plays an important role during promotions.
Flyabout, the Marketing Guy, is one of the most experienced people at ‘Teettel’. His quest for working at an international office of ‘Teettel’ brings out the milestones people set in the current corporate world – more the number of ‘phoren’ trips, quicker you are on the track to corporate success. Ironically, the CEO’s unofficial ambassador to foreign trips Goodlooks wins the transfer - leaving the deserving, dejected!
Our Chartered Accountant at the Accounts Department, Onewayticket, is a stringent follower of GAAP norms. A small rejection to fudge numbers by order of Setitright, the CFO of ‘Teettel’, opens the doors for him for the Nagpur office of ‘Teettel’.

The Corporate World is indeed ruthless!

THE CHARACTER ASSASSINATIONS

“Do not worry if others do not understand you. Worry if you do not understand them.” – Confucius

The creativity of an author lies not in portraying the unheard in a unique way. It lies in depicting the obvious in a new way! What catches one’s attention after reading the first part is that one is keen to know the reactions of the employees after the ‘brutality’ that have gone through. Jeetendra, at this point in time, weaves an amazing concept around the existence of a Chief Executive. Smallfry & Fasttrack discover that every CEO is unique and suffers from a unique disease. Part Two is spent in discovering these diseases and linking them to the traits of the CEOs in real life. The author has taken great pains to correlate each disease with a real life example and action of a particular type of a CEO. These are the diseases that the three employees intend to fight out in the last part.

Mr. Crony Capone suffers from diabetes – “the disease of prosperity”. His love for sidekicks and his intention to use them as spies in times of need show his malicious nature. One always has to be in his good books to stay alive!
Mr. Talk-the-Talk is schizophrenic. His seasoned character and his way with words is an indication to stay away from him. He chooses to talk one into a situation and then, leave him or her there ‘alone’!
First cousin of Talk-the-Talk, Mr. Volte-Face is more dangerous on grounds of values. In fact, he is one of those people in an organisation who lack serious values and would switch sides as and when needed! The author classifies him as an imposter and sees symptoms of Alzheimer’s disease in him.
Mr. Side-biz aims at using his ‘calcium’ reserves for personal use and thus deplete it. His interests in ‘outside work’ more than ‘work’, brings out his modus operandi. Osteoporosis is curable but who wants to do it?!
Cancerous Mr. Siphon De Cash baits on hard cash! He will not loose any opportunity to deprive the organisation of cash and revenue by creative means. People like him grow within the company as cancerous cells and eventually lead to a silent death!
Did we know that Mr. Next Job took this post to park him in life till the time he found out his next job? Does this give us an insight into Hypermetropia? Similarly, our own Mr. Family Man, suffering from Arthritis, gives up no occasion to express his feelings (as fallout of joint family relationships back home) to his team members. There are so many other types that Smallfry discovers in the corporate world that the author makes this section worth a re-read!

At this point in time, I choose to disagree with the author about classifying CEOs. Personally, I feel it is practically impossible to classify people in pigeon-holes. CEOs, on the other hand, are professionals. It’s just that they are overcome by personal habits, tastes, interests and behave in certain fashions under certain conditions. However, I believe the critical analysis of types of CEOs is impossible in this situation as the 70 mm movie style completely makes the narration informal! But formal or informal, man is much more than a pigeon – although it cannot fly!!!

With all the shades of a Chief Executive right in front of us now, the author moves onto conspire to kill each one of them by some medicine or another.
This analysis makes the reading very interesting. One has already seen the various diseases the CEOs suffer from. Now, one can use them as subjects! Jeetendra comes up with interesting solutions at this point in time!

THE ASSASSINATIONS

How many different methods to cure, does one know? Can one use them on characters one has just created?

Interesting Assassination plans emerge from now on! One can never imagine that CEOs can be dealt with Sedatives, Antibiotics and Hormones for that matter. The author very interestingly brings out subtle weaknesses of Chief Executives and helps the reader to relate to such weaknesses.

Smallfry, Fasttrack & Takeiteasy track Topgun as an easy and obvious target. Using his girlfriend as a sedative on him turns out to be a wild but effective idea! However, they do not fail to recognize that she can turn a double agent as well! Such interesting insights into personal relationships give a different angle into the dynamics of Chief Executives. A real out-of-the-box thought!
Antibiotics act as Value-busters for certain CEOs. Look at the correlation – Antibiotics are substances produced by micro-organisms that can destroy or inhibit the growth of other micro-organisms. Certain superstition-defying actions can act as value or ideology busters for certain individuals!
Technology has started playing an important role in unearthing hidden secrets. Gory gadgets of the day can really disturb a senior person in an organisation if the staff makes conscious efforts to screen his actions!
‘Send a thief to catch a thief’ – Don’t we know that grafting helps the damaged tissue to recuperate by transplantation? A careful exercise of Corporate Grafting can catch the right man at the wrong time on the wrong foot!

There are days and then there are days…
…when assassination plans might just not work out. The author finds effective methods to overcome failure as well. Things might not work at most times. This is because of the fact that CEOs might be too smart for the employees…or because of the sheer coincidence that they would have read this book before you would have. But still there is a way out!

Organ Transplant is an effective way to get rid of a diseased organ. Personally, I would agree with the author on this analysis. There is a common joke shared in the industry is that if you cannot find a job for yourself (if one is looking for a change), make sure you find one for your boss! This is exactly what Jeetendra aims at telling us or in fact tells us through the characters in the story!
Lastly, there might still be a chance that one is not able to understand the psychology of the Chief and is unable to deliver. Jeetendra defies science here to suggest the election of a Vice Captain amongst the team members if the Captain is not delivering the results. I don’t know how much this is feasible in a real life, but it falls in place with assumptions of ‘game theory’.
Human Cloning might just turn out to the last resort, if everything fails and biology moves on by leaps and bounds!

The 70 mm style of writing impresses every reader & does not fail to bring home a few points. If I read this book as a CEO, I think it would have been a very disturbing idea to read something that critiques me from beginning to end. But the narration style completely changes the mood of the reader and makes a CEO realize his ‘negatives’ – and also, the fact that all this while when he was thinking that people were not noticing him, he was actually being evaluated very closely!

I think the author has very successfully tried to portray each and every shade of the CEO. Although he stuck at one particular profile in any organisation throughout, he has been successful in ripping apart all the actions of that profile and depicting them as ‘negatives’. These ‘negatives’ are the features with which the corporate world can very easily relate to. I think he has been very successful in connecting with the common 9-5 employee – by giving him an eye for ‘spice’ in office environment! I would highly recommend this book as a light reading material for anyone who is working in a corporate environment. It shows one the ‘other side’ of the picture and allows organisations to understand the vagaries of a corrupt official amongst them!

Yes CEOs – hold your breath! Think twice before reading this book! You may never know which disease you would be diagnosed with or which medicine would be suitable for your treatment!

Yes Employees – Smallfrys, Fasttracks & Takeiteasys – get up and notice! There is more to your boss than just that disturbing email that he sends every Monday morning! There is more to the cash he hands over to the peon for the cigarette! And of course, there is more to that secretary he has recently recruited, for business trips out of town!

And Readers – if you know what the functions of a CEO are, go on – read the book! Think of him as the Prime Minister! He might just rephrase his next policy in your favour!

Yes, There might just be another ‘Twist in the Tale’!

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