Am i not an Entrepreneur ?

Laboratory for Entrepreneurial Motivation

Reflections
I hate criticism, but I still want to listen to them
I am a perfectionist, but I am lazy
I love to perform alone, but I want company
I fear heights, but I enjoy flights
I can’t swim, but I jumped into the Ganges from a 30 foot cliff
I contradict myself all the time.

The “Contradictory Me” re-surfaced itself in the 5 days LEM Sessions held by Prof Satyajit Majumdar. The above lines written by me during the “Who am I?” session brought back memories of days when I used to strive towards excellence without recognizing that I might be striving for something I am not comfortable with at all. From choosing achievements to realizing one’s strengths and weaknesses, the self-realisation motive behind the exercises was more of a challenge to rejuvenate oneself for the coming days than merely a recollection exercise.
It was a hearty experience to note that some people don’t even consider academic achievements as achievements in their lives. I wonder what motivates them then to come this far and to TAPMI. I believe the taste of success gives one the attitude to fight more battles in life! Even in organizations, a promotion does not indicate a commendation for ones achievements but rather, it distinguishes one as a candidate for future challenges.


How much am I comfortable with these new challenges & experiences?

Frankly speaking, I get afraid. In reality (which people do not notice in me!), I get so afraid that I put in my heart and soul towards preparing for even the smallest battle. I prepare so well, mentally for even a small speech that by the time I deliver it, it seems I have memorized the content – although it might have been a 5 min extempore! Here, my performance contradicts my spontaneity.
Some latter exercises and games made me feel – I work best under pressure and spontaneous situations. But I know the reality now – It is because I have got into the habit of preparing for them instantly out of fear (of what? I don’t know – probably failure!).

Thematic Apperception Test

Why should every problem have a solution? Why should every story have a happy ending? Yes, but it is true that every situation can have difference of opinion and thus, a problem!
My stories meant just that & one more aspect – spontaneity gets the best of my creative ability – a revelation which was reinforced after the TAT exercise!
Most of the characters in my stories were in a dilemma. I believe my ability to distinguish confusion from information influenced that.

To play or not to play, that is the question!

I have always believed that there is always more to an activity or game than what is apparently visible from it. Unlike a group-mate, who did not consider his sub-conscious mind as an existing entity, I believe there are many dimensions of a human being which participate in an activity other than his/her physical self.

At least for me, I know that from the word “Go”, I was calculating, analyzing the options of success and failure, anticipating other’s actions, admiring group dynamics before and after the games and above all, judging myself constantly on personal & comparative grounds! Also, one ground on which I was different from others & about which I was very contented, is that I kept learning from other’s actions! It was very motivating for me to keep wondering what the other person would do in such a situation and would that be better than mine!

Purpose

I believe the purpose of the course was not to arrive at something but to experience the entrepreneurial living. It was the experience of self-realizations, competition and craft skills which brought out the various shades of one’s character during the events.
The session was an insight into one’s strengths and weaknesses. It has brought in me the energy consciously look for a meaning in everything – however mundane – and not let complacency enter one’s life at this stage. This reflection is probably enough for now to let one sail through the next two years.

I believe the purpose has been achieved! The “Contradictory Me” has reached a plane of decision making. The Entrepreneurial motivation factor, which we have been trying to look for in us also in the past few days – has also – definitely urged me to look for more risk taking avenues! Putting myself in the shoes of the person who would take the maximum risk – would probably give me an idea of how it would feel to do something like that.

But I don’t know if my natural self of being afraid would let me do that?

Did I contradict myself again? I think I did.